American Vs. Japanese Management Styles

A Japanese company and an American company decided to have acanoe race on the Missouri river. Both the teams practicedhard and long to reach their peak performance before the race. On the big day the Japanese won by a mile.

Afterwards the American team became very discouraged and
morally depressed. The American management decided that the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found. A "Management Team" made up of senior management was formed.They investigate and recommend appropriate action.

Their conclusion was that Japanese had 8 people rowing and 1
person steering, while the American team had 8 persons steering and one person rowing.

So American management hired a consulting company and paid
them incredible amount of money. They advised that too many people were steering the boat and not enough people were rowing.

To prevent losing to the Japanese again next year, the
rowing team's management structure was totally reorganized
to 4 steering supervisors, 3 area steering superintendents
and 1 assistant superintendent steering manager. They also
implemented a new performance system that would give the 1
person rowing the boat greater incentive to work harder.

It was called the "Rowing Team Quality First Program", with
meetings, dinners, and free pens for the rower. "We must give the rower the empowerment and enrichments through this
quality program".

The next year the Japanese won by two miles. Humiliated,
the American management laid off the rower for poor performance, halted development of a new canoe, sold the paddles, and cancelled all capital investments for new equipment. Then they distributed the money saved as bonuses to the senior executives.

Traffic Rules For The State Of Michigan

Basic rules for driving in Michigan:

1. A right lane construction closure is just a game to see how many people can cut in line by passing you on the right as you sit in the left lane waiting for the same jerks to squeeze their way back in before hitting the orange construction barrels.

2. Turn signals will give away your next move. A real Michigan driver never uses them.

3. Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you. Somebody else will fill in the space, putting you in an even more dangerous situation.

4. Crossing two or more lanes in a single lane-change is considered "going with the flow."

5. The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance you have of getting hit.

6. Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive body work; Michigan is a no-fault insurance state and the other guy doesn't have anything to lose.

7. Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to ensure that your ABS kicks in, giving a nice, relaxing foot massage as the brake pedal pulsates.

8. For those of you without ABS, it's a chance to stretch your legs.

9. Construction signs tell you about road closures immediately after you pass the last exit before the traffic begins to back up.

10. The new electronic traffic warning system signs are not there to provide useful information, they are only there to make Michigan look high-tech and to distract you from seeing the police car parked in the median.

11. Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right. It's a good way to scare people entering the highway.

12. Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as suggestions and are apparently not enforceable in the metro area during rush hour.

13. Just because you're in the left lane and have no room to speed up or move over doesn't mean that a Michigan driver flashing his high beams behind you doesn't think he can go faster in your spot.

14. Please remember that there is no such thing as a shortcut during rush-hour traffic in Michigan.

15. Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an accident or even someone changing a tire.

16. Everybody thinks his vehicle is better than yours, especially pickup-truck drivers with stickers of Calvin peeing on a Ford, Dodge, or Chevy logo.

17. Learn to swerve abruptly. Michigan is the home of high-speed slalom driving thanks to MDOT, which puts potholes in key locations to test drivers' reflexes and keep them on their toes.

18. It is traditional in Michigan to honk your horn at cars that don't move the instant the light changes.

19. Seeking eye contact with another driver revokes your right of way.

20. Never take a green light at face value. Always look right and left before proceeding.

21. Remember that the goal of every Michigan driver is to get there first, by whatever means necessary.

22. Real Michigan women drivers can put on pantyhose and apply eye makeup at 75 miles per hour in bumper-to-bumper traffic.

23. Real Michigan men drivers can remove pantyhose and a bra at 75 miles per hour in bumper-to-bumper traffic.

24. Heavy snow, ice, fogs, and rains are no reasons to change any of the previously listed rules. These weather conditions are God's way of ensuring a natural-selection process for body shops, junkyards, and salespeople.

Incredible Bike Acrobation In Scotland

Video: Kolo, akrobacije, pokrajna, mesto, ulica - Neverjetno na GenSpot.com

Funny T-Shirt Sayings Part 1

T - SHIRT SLOGANS

1. Frankly, Scallop, I Don't Give a Clam. (seen on Cape Cod)

2. That's It! I'm Calling Grandma! (seen on an 8 year old)

3. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew Up.

4. Procrastinate Now.

5. Rehab Is for Quitters.

6. My Dog Can Lick Anyone.

7. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts - Do You Want Fries with That?

8. Party - My Crib - Two A.M. (on a baby-size shirt)

9. Finally 21, and Legally Able to Do Everything I've Been Doing Since 15.

10. ALL MEN ARE IDIOTS, AND I MARRIED THEIR KING.

11. West Virginia: One Million People, and 15 last names.

12. FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION. It comes bundled with the software.

13. I'M OUT OF ESTROGEN AND I'VE GOT A GUN.

14. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

15. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.

16. STUPIDITY IS NOT A HANDICAP. Park elsewhere!

17. POOR SPELLERS OF THE WORLD- UNTIE!

18. MOOSEHEAD: A great beer and a new experience for a moose.

19. They call it PMS because MadCow Disease was already taken.

20. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.

21. Time's fun when you're having flies.......Kermit the Frog.

22. POLICE STATION TOILET STOLEN .... Cops have nothing to go on.

23. FOR SALE: Iraqi rifle. Never fired. Dropped once.

24. HECK IS WHERE PEOPLE GO WHO DON'T BELIEVE IN GOSH.

25. A PICTURE IS WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS, but it uses up a thousand times the memory.

26. The Meek shall inherit the earth....after we're through with it.

27. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

28. HAM AND EGGS - A day's work for a chicken; A lifetime commitment for a pig.

29. WELCOME TO KENTUCKY - Set your watch back 20 years.

30. The trouble with life is there's no background music.

31. IF THERE IS NO GOD, WHO POPS UP THE NEXT KLEENEX?

32. Suicidal Twin Kills Sister By Mistake

33. The original point-and-click interface was a Smith & Wesson.

34. MY WILD OATS HAVE TURNED TO SHREDDED WHEAT.

35. Computer programmers don't byte, they nybble a bit.

36. Computer programmers know how to use their hardware.

37. MOP AND GLOW - Floor wax used by Three-Mile-Island cleanup team.

38. NyQuil -The stuffy, sneezy, why-the-hell-is-the-room- spinning medicine.

39. Quoting one is plagiarism. Quoting many is research.

40. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God, and I didn't.

41.Please don't interrupt me when I'm talking to myself.

The Love Dress

A woman stopped by unannounced at her recently married son's house. She rang the doorbell and walked in. She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked. Soft music was playing, and the aroma of perfume filled the room.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"I'm waiting for my husband to come home from work," the daughter-in-law answered.

"But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed.

"This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained.

"Love dress? But you're naked!"

"My husband loves me to wear this dress," she explained. "It excites him to no end. Everytime he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours on end. He can't get enough of me."

The mother-in-law left. When she got home, she undressed, showered, put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and laid on the couch waiting for her husband to arrive. Finally, her husband came home. He walked in and saw her laying there so provocatively.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"This is my love dress," she whispered, sensually.

"Needs ironing," he said. "What's for dinner?"

Always Wear Long Pants To The Store

From the Sydney Morning Herald, Australia comes this story of a central west couple who drove their car to K-Mart only to have their car break down in the parking lot.

The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car there in the lot. The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car. On closer inspection she saw a pair of male legs protruding from under the chassis.

Although the man was in shorts, his lack of underwear turned private parts into glaringly public ones.

Unable to stand the embarrassment she dutifully stepped forward, quickly put her hand UP his shorts and tucked everything back into place. On regaining her feet she looked across the hood and found herself staring at her husband who was standing idly by.

The mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his head

The Catholic Priest, the Protestant Minister, and the Jewish Rabbi on When Life Begins

A Catholic priest, a Protestant minister, and a Jewish rabbi were discussing when life begins.

"Life begins," said the priest, "at the moment of fertilization. That is when God instills the spark of life into the fetus."

"We believe," said the minister, "that life begins at birth, because that is when the baby becomes an individual and is capable of making its own decisions and must learn about sin."

"You've both got it wrong," said the rabbi. "Life begins when the children have graduated from college and moved out of the house."

Japanese Take On America's TSA

Portmanteau Words From Washington Post Readers In 2002

A selection of a few Honorable Mention entries from a 2002 Washington Post contest that asked the reader to coin "portmanteau words" by combining two words that overlap by two letters or more:

Muslimbaugh: Islam's really conservative branch. (Frank Mullen III, Aledo, Ill.)

Abracadabacus: What magic bean counters use. (Seth Brown, Williamstown, Mass.)

Baseballoon: A coach who has "put on a few pounds" since playing in the outfield. (Toby Gottfried, Santa Ana, Calif.)

Begetcetera: Multiple births. (Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)

Brassiereprimand: "Hey, my face is up here." (G.T. Bowman, Falls Church)

Coleslawsuit: Legal action taken without a shred of evidence. (Stephen Dudzik, Olney)

Communiqueserasera: An unimportant message. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

Courtshipwreck: A dating error so disastrous it ends a relationship. Example: Sleeping with her sister. (Mel Loftus, Holmen, Wis.)

Ethiccup: A brief, involuntary suspension of one's moral principles. (Chris Doyle, Forsyth, Mo.)

Foxymoron: A perfect 10 in looks and IQ. (Milo Sauer, Fairfax)

Frigidiot: Those shirtless guys at January football games. (Jimmy LaCaria, Watertown, N.Y.)

Hemperor: A drug kingpin. (Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)

Internetherworld: Where failed dot-coms go. (Stephen Dudzik, Olney)

Kimchihuahua: Asian food made with secret special ingredients. (Stephen Dudzik, Olney)

Leotarp: Plus-size workout wear. (Milo Sauer, Fairfax)

Moulin Rouget's Thesaurus: A compendium of related words about truth, beauty, freedom but, above all, love. (David E. Romm, Minneapolis)

Necromantic: When you slip a ring on your lover's hand, then sacrifice a chicken so she can rise again and dance joyously with you to celebrate your eternal life together. (Beth Baniszewski, Cambridge, Mass.)

Penultimatum: I'm going to tell you this only one more time after this . . . (Dot Yufer, Newton, W. Va.)

Pestivate: To spend the summer sponging off relatives. (Mel Loftus, Holmen, Wis.)

Prostituition: A whorrible way to pay for college. (Seth Brown, Williamstown, Mass.)

Pseudonymphomaniac: Mrs. John Smith (Chris Doyle, Forsyth, Mo.)

Punditto: Talking heads who keep agreeing with each other. (Joseph Romm, Washington)

Shagrin: Regret regarding whom one has just awakened next to. (Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)

Trepanache: The ability to keep your head when someone is trying to drill holes in it. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

Vivacuous: Describing a cheerleader. (John R. Shea, Philadelphia)

Zeppelingerie: Undergarments for the full-figured frau. (Frank Mullen III, Aledo, Ill.)

The Right Organ Player At The Right Time

A minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building.

Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute. The substitute wanted to know what to play.

"Here's a copy of the service," he said impatiently. "But you'll have to think of something to play after I make the announcement about the finances."

During the service, the minister paused and said, "Brothers and Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected, and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up."

At that moment, the substitute organist played, "The Star Spangled Banner."

Feel Like A Woman

On a recent transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One womanin particular loses it. Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane. "I'm too young to die," she wails.

Then she yells, "Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on Earth to be memorable! Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?"

For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril. They all stare, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane.

Then a man stands up in the rear of the plane. "I can make you feel like a woman," he says. He is gorgeous. Tall, built, long, flowing black hair and jet blackeyes. He walks slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt....

............one button at a time.

............No one moves.

............He removes his shirt.

............Muscles ripple across his chest,

as he reaches her, extending the arm holding his shirt to the trembling woman;

............he whispers:

..........."Iron this."

The Two Stoners And The Judge

Two young guys were picked up by the cops for smoking dope and appeared in court on Friday before the judge. The judge said, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance rather than jail time." "I want you to go out this weekend and try to show others the evils of drug use and get them to give up drugs forever. I'll see you back in court Monday."

Monday, the two guys were back in court, and the judge said to the first one, "How did you do over the weekend?"

"Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever." Said the first young MAN. The Judge smiled and said, "17 people? That's wonderful! What did you tell them?" The first young MAN held up a card and said, "I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this:

O o

"...and told them this (the big circle) is your brain before drugs and this (small circle) is your brain after drugs." "That's admirable!" said the judge. "The case against you is dismissed."

To the second young MAN the judge said, "And son, how did you do?" The second boy perked up and said, "Well, your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever".

"156 people! That's amazing! How did you manage to do that?" The judge questioned.

The second young MAN held up his card, and said, "Well, I used a similar approach. I drew two circles...

o O

"...and said (pointing to the small circle) 'this is your asshole before prison..."

Viagra Comes In A New Form

Pfizer recently announced that Viagra would be available in liquid form.

It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one.

New World Disorder Map

(click on map image to enlarge)

The Dog And The Dolphin: I Will Love You Forever