(click on cover to expand in size)Friday, August 27, 2010
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Monday, August 23, 2010
The Texas Heimlich Maneuver
Two Texans were seated at a bar when a woman seated a few stools down started to choke on a piece of hamburger. She was turning blue and obviously in serious respiratory distress.
One said to the other, "that there gal is having a bad time!"
The other agreed and said, "do you think we should go help?" "
You bet," said the first and with that he ran over and asked, "Can you breathe?" She shook her head no. He said, " can you speak?" She again shook her head no. With that, he pulled up her skirt and licked her on the butt.
She was so shocked, he coughed up the obstruction and began to breathe with great
relief.
Back to his friend, the first Texan said, "Funny how that hind lick maneuver always works."
One said to the other, "that there gal is having a bad time!"
The other agreed and said, "do you think we should go help?" "
You bet," said the first and with that he ran over and asked, "Can you breathe?" She shook her head no. He said, " can you speak?" She again shook her head no. With that, he pulled up her skirt and licked her on the butt.
She was so shocked, he coughed up the obstruction and began to breathe with great
relief.
Back to his friend, the first Texan said, "Funny how that hind lick maneuver always works."
Top Ten Sayings At The Office Which Sound Dirty
10. I need to whip it out by 5.
9. Mind if I use your laptop?
8. Just stick it in my box.
7. If I have to lick one more, I'll gag!
6. I want it on my desk, NOW!!!!!
5. HMMMMMMMMM...I think it's out of fluid!
4. My equipment is so old, it takes forever to finish.
3. It's an entry level position.
2. When do you think you'll be getting off today?
1. It's not fair...I do all the work while he just sits there!!!!
9. Mind if I use your laptop?
8. Just stick it in my box.
7. If I have to lick one more, I'll gag!
6. I want it on my desk, NOW!!!!!
5. HMMMMMMMMM...I think it's out of fluid!
4. My equipment is so old, it takes forever to finish.
3. It's an entry level position.
2. When do you think you'll be getting off today?
1. It's not fair...I do all the work while he just sits there!!!!
Top Ten Sayings In Golf Which Sound Dirty
10. Damn...my shaft is bent
9. After 18 holes, I can barely walk.
8. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker
7. Look at the size of his putter.
6. Keep your head down and spread your legs a bit more
5. Mind if I join your threesome?
4. Stand with your back turned and drop it.
3. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip
2. Nice stroke, but your follow through has a lot to be desired.
1. Hold up...I need to wash my balls first
9. After 18 holes, I can barely walk.
8. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker
7. Look at the size of his putter.
6. Keep your head down and spread your legs a bit more
5. Mind if I join your threesome?
4. Stand with your back turned and drop it.
3. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip
2. Nice stroke, but your follow through has a lot to be desired.
1. Hold up...I need to wash my balls first
Top Ten Sayings In The Law Profession Which Sound Dirty
10. Have you looked through her briefs?
9. He is one hard judge!
8. Counselor, let's do it in chambers.
7. Her attorney withdrew at the last minute.
6. Is it a penal offense?
5. Better leave the handcuffs on.
4. For $200 an hour, she better be good!
3. Can you get him to drop his suit?
2. The judge gave her the stiffest one he could.
1. Think you can get me off?
9. He is one hard judge!
8. Counselor, let's do it in chambers.
7. Her attorney withdrew at the last minute.
6. Is it a penal offense?
5. Better leave the handcuffs on.
4. For $200 an hour, she better be good!
3. Can you get him to drop his suit?
2. The judge gave her the stiffest one he could.
1. Think you can get me off?
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