Saturday, April 18, 2009
Real-Life Pac Man Terrorizes People
Be sure to click the HQ button for hi-def video when you start the video clip:
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Getting Even With An Uncharitable Las Vegas Cab Driver
A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble.
He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round trip ticket -- If he could just get to the airport he could get himself home.
So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting. He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie. He promised to send the driver money from home, he offered him his credit card numbers, his drivers license number, his address, etc. but to no avail. The cabbie said (adopt appropriate
dialect), "If you don't have fifteen dollars, get the hell out of my cab!"
So the businessman was forced to hitchhike to the airport and was barely in time to catch his flight.
One year later the businessman, having worked long and hard to regain his financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he won big. Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to get a cab ride back to the airport. Well who should he see out there, at the end of a long line of cabs, but his old buddy who had refused to give him a ride when he was down on his luck.
The businessman thought for a moment about how he could make the guy pay for his lack of charity, and he hit on a plan.
The businessman got in the first cab in the line, "How much for a ride to the airport," he asked? "Fifteen bucks," came the reply. "And how much for you to go down on me (oral sex) during the way?"
"What?! Get Out out of my cab, you scum."
The businessman got into the back of each cab in the long line and asked the same questions, with the same result - getting kicked out of each taxi.
When he got to his old friend at the back of the line, he got in and asked "How much for a ride to the airport?"
The cabbie replied "fifteen bucks." The businessman said "O.K." and off they went. Then, as they drove slowly past the long line of cabs the businessman gave a big smile and thumbs up sign to each driver.
He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round trip ticket -- If he could just get to the airport he could get himself home.
So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting. He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie. He promised to send the driver money from home, he offered him his credit card numbers, his drivers license number, his address, etc. but to no avail. The cabbie said (adopt appropriate
dialect), "If you don't have fifteen dollars, get the hell out of my cab!"
So the businessman was forced to hitchhike to the airport and was barely in time to catch his flight.
One year later the businessman, having worked long and hard to regain his financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he won big. Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to get a cab ride back to the airport. Well who should he see out there, at the end of a long line of cabs, but his old buddy who had refused to give him a ride when he was down on his luck.
The businessman thought for a moment about how he could make the guy pay for his lack of charity, and he hit on a plan.
The businessman got in the first cab in the line, "How much for a ride to the airport," he asked? "Fifteen bucks," came the reply. "And how much for you to go down on me (oral sex) during the way?"
"What?! Get Out out of my cab, you scum."
The businessman got into the back of each cab in the long line and asked the same questions, with the same result - getting kicked out of each taxi.
When he got to his old friend at the back of the line, he got in and asked "How much for a ride to the airport?"
The cabbie replied "fifteen bucks." The businessman said "O.K." and off they went. Then, as they drove slowly past the long line of cabs the businessman gave a big smile and thumbs up sign to each driver.
Stories From Doctors And Hospitals
Subject: True Hospital stories
A man comes into the ER and yells "My wife's going to
have her baby in the cab!"
The ER physician grabs his stuff, rushes out to the
cab, lifts the lady's dress, and begins to take off
her underwear. Suddenly he notices that there are
several cabs, and he's in the wrong one.
*******************************************
A nurse at the beginning of the shift places her
stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female
patient's anterior chest wall. "Big Breaths,"
instructed the nurse.
"Yes, they used to be," remorsed the patient.
*********************************************
One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told
a wife that her husband had died of a massive
myocardial infarction. Not more than five minutes later,
I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that
he had died of a "massive internal fart."
***********************************************
I was performing a complete physical, including the
visual acuity test. I placed the patient twenty feet
from the chart and began, "Cover your right eye with
your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly. "Now
your left." Again, a flawless read. "Now both," I
requested. There was silence--he couldn't even read
the large E on the top line. I turned and discovered
that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was
standing there with both his eyes covered. I was
laughing too hard to finish the exam.
********************************************
During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with
his cardiologist, he informed his doctor that he was
having trouble with one of his medications. "Which
one?", asked the doctor. "The patch." "The nurse told
me to put on a new one every day and now I'm
running our of places to put it!" The doctor had him
quickly undress and discovered what he hoped he
wouldn't see......Yes, the man had thirty patches
on his body! Now the instructions include removal of
the old patch before applying a new one.
**************************************************
While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I
asked, "How long have you been bedridden?" After a
look of complete confusion she answered, "Why, not for
about twenty years -- when my husband was alive."
***************************************************
A nurse caring for a woman from Kentucky asked,"So
how's your breakfast this morning?" "It's very good,
except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get
used to the taste," the patient replied. The nurse
asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil
packet labeled "KY Jelly."
A man comes into the ER and yells "My wife's going to
have her baby in the cab!"
The ER physician grabs his stuff, rushes out to the
cab, lifts the lady's dress, and begins to take off
her underwear. Suddenly he notices that there are
several cabs, and he's in the wrong one.
*******************************************
A nurse at the beginning of the shift places her
stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female
patient's anterior chest wall. "Big Breaths,"
instructed the nurse.
"Yes, they used to be," remorsed the patient.
*********************************************
One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told
a wife that her husband had died of a massive
myocardial infarction. Not more than five minutes later,
I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that
he had died of a "massive internal fart."
***********************************************
I was performing a complete physical, including the
visual acuity test. I placed the patient twenty feet
from the chart and began, "Cover your right eye with
your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly. "Now
your left." Again, a flawless read. "Now both," I
requested. There was silence--he couldn't even read
the large E on the top line. I turned and discovered
that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was
standing there with both his eyes covered. I was
laughing too hard to finish the exam.
********************************************
During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with
his cardiologist, he informed his doctor that he was
having trouble with one of his medications. "Which
one?", asked the doctor. "The patch." "The nurse told
me to put on a new one every day and now I'm
running our of places to put it!" The doctor had him
quickly undress and discovered what he hoped he
wouldn't see......Yes, the man had thirty patches
on his body! Now the instructions include removal of
the old patch before applying a new one.
**************************************************
While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I
asked, "How long have you been bedridden?" After a
look of complete confusion she answered, "Why, not for
about twenty years -- when my husband was alive."
***************************************************
A nurse caring for a woman from Kentucky asked,"So
how's your breakfast this morning?" "It's very good,
except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get
used to the taste," the patient replied. The nurse
asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil
packet labeled "KY Jelly."
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Be On The Alert For Bears This Summer Up In Wisconsin
The Wisconsin State Dept of Fish and Wildlife is advising
hikers, hunters, fishermen and golfers to take extra
precautions and be on the alert for bears this summer.
They advise people to wear noise-producing devices such as
little bells on their clothing to alert but not startle the
bears unexpectedly.
They also advise you to carry pepper spray in case of an
encounter with a bear.
People should be able to recognize the presence of bears in
an area by their droppings:
Black bear droppings are smaller and contain berry residue
and possibly squirrel fur.
Grizzly bear droppings have little bells in them and smell
like pepper spray.
hikers, hunters, fishermen and golfers to take extra
precautions and be on the alert for bears this summer.
They advise people to wear noise-producing devices such as
little bells on their clothing to alert but not startle the
bears unexpectedly.
They also advise you to carry pepper spray in case of an
encounter with a bear.
People should be able to recognize the presence of bears in
an area by their droppings:
Black bear droppings are smaller and contain berry residue
and possibly squirrel fur.
Grizzly bear droppings have little bells in them and smell
like pepper spray.
Monday, April 13, 2009
The Mental Geldings At Citigroup's Credit Card Collections
A lady died this past January, and Citibank billed her for February and March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and added late Fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had been $0.00 when she Died, but now somewhere around $60.00. A family member placed a call to Citibank.
Here is the exchange . . .
Family Member: I am calling to tell you she died back in January.
Citibank: The account was never closed and the late fees and charges Still apply.
Family Member: Maybe, you should turn it over to collections.
Citibank: Since it is two months past due, it already has been.
Family Member: So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?
Citibank: Either report her account to frauds division or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!
Family Member: Do you think God will be mad at her?
Citibank: Excuse me?
Family Member: Did you just get what I was telling you . . . the part about Her being dead?
Citibank: Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor.
(Supervisor gets on the phone)
Family Member: I'm calling to tell you, she died back in January with a $0 balance.
Citibank: The account was never closed and late fees and charges still Apply.
Family Member: You mean you want to collect from her estate?
Citibank: (Stammer) Are you her lawyer?
Family Member: No, I'm her great nephew.
(Lawyer info was given)
Citibank: Could you fax us a certificate of death?
Family Member: Sure. (Fax number was given)
(After they get the fax) Citibank: Our system just isn't set up for death. I don't know what more I Can do to help.
Family Member: Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just Keep billing her. She won't care.
Citibank: Well, the late fees and charges will still apply.
Family Member: Would you like her new billing address?
Citibank: That might help...'
Family Member: Odessa Memorial Cemetery , Highway 129, Plot Number 69.
Citibank: Sir, that's a cemetery!
Family Member: And what do you do with dead people on your planet???
(Does anyone wonder why Citigroup is financially insolvent without bailouts from U.S. taxpayers?)
Here is the exchange . . .
Family Member: I am calling to tell you she died back in January.
Citibank: The account was never closed and the late fees and charges Still apply.
Family Member: Maybe, you should turn it over to collections.
Citibank: Since it is two months past due, it already has been.
Family Member: So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?
Citibank: Either report her account to frauds division or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!
Family Member: Do you think God will be mad at her?
Citibank: Excuse me?
Family Member: Did you just get what I was telling you . . . the part about Her being dead?
Citibank: Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor.
(Supervisor gets on the phone)
Family Member: I'm calling to tell you, she died back in January with a $0 balance.
Citibank: The account was never closed and late fees and charges still Apply.
Family Member: You mean you want to collect from her estate?
Citibank: (Stammer) Are you her lawyer?
Family Member: No, I'm her great nephew.
(Lawyer info was given)
Citibank: Could you fax us a certificate of death?
Family Member: Sure. (Fax number was given)
(After they get the fax) Citibank: Our system just isn't set up for death. I don't know what more I Can do to help.
Family Member: Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just Keep billing her. She won't care.
Citibank: Well, the late fees and charges will still apply.
Family Member: Would you like her new billing address?
Citibank: That might help...'
Family Member: Odessa Memorial Cemetery , Highway 129, Plot Number 69.
Citibank: Sir, that's a cemetery!
Family Member: And what do you do with dead people on your planet???
(Does anyone wonder why Citigroup is financially insolvent without bailouts from U.S. taxpayers?)
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Shii - The Wii For Women
You may not understand Dutch, but you will definitely get the picture of the new Wii for women, called Shii. The last feature for Shii is one that got it the "18 or older" ban on youtube.
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