Saturday, January 28, 2012
How Harry Skipped From First To Fifth Grade
with one of her students. The teacher asked, "Harry,
what's your problem?"
Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My
sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she
is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!"
Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the
principal's office.
While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher
explained to the Principal what the situation was. The
principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a
test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he
was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She
agreed.
Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained
to him and he agreed to take the test.
Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Harry: "9".
Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Harry: "36".
And so it went with every question the principal
thought a 3rd grader should know.
The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, "I
think Harry can go to the 3rd grade."
Ms. Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some
questions."
The principal and Harry both agreed.
Ms. Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I
have only two of?"
Harry, after a moment: "Legs."
Ms. Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I
do not have?"
The principal wondered, why would she ask such a
question!
Harry replied: "Pockets."
Ms. Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps
into?"
Harry: "Pants"
Ms. Brooks: What's starts with a C, ends with a T, is
hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish
liquid?
Harry: "Coconut."
The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.
Ms. Brooks: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out
soft and sticky?"
The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he
could stop the answer.
Harry: "Bubble gum"
Ms. Brooks: "What does a man do standing up, a woman
does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?"
Harry: "Shake hands."
The principal was trembling.
Ms. Brooks: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in
'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?"
Harry: "Firetruck"
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the
teacher, "Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last
seven questions wrong......
Friday, January 27, 2012
T-Shirt Slogans
1. Frankly, Scallop, I Don't Give a Clam. (seen on Cape Cod)
2. That's It! I'm Calling Grandma! (seen on an 8 year old)
3. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew Up.
4. Procrastinate Now.
5. Rehab Is for Quitters.
6. My Dog Can Lick Anyone.
7. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts - Do You Want Fries with That?
8. Party - My Crib - Two A.M. (on a baby-size shirt)
9. Finally 21, and Legally Able to Do Everything I've Been Doing Since 15.
10. ALL MEN ARE IDIOTS, AND I MARRIED THEIR KING.
11. West Virginia: One Million People, and 15 last names.
12. FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION. It comes bundled with the software.
13. I'M OUT OF ESTROGEN AND I'VE GOT A GUN.
14. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
15. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
16. STUPIDITY IS NOT A HANDICAP. Park elsewhere!
17. POOR SPELLERS OF THE WORLD- UNTIE!
18. MOOSEHEAD: A great beer and a new experience for a moose.
19. They call it PMS because MadCow Disease was already taken.
20. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.
21. Time's fun when you're having flies.......Kermit the Frog.
22. POLICE STATION TOILET STOLEN .... Cops have nothing to go on.
23. FOR SALE: Iraqi rifle. Never fired. Dropped once.
24. HECK IS WHERE PEOPLE GO WHO DON'T BELIEVE IN GOSH.
25. A PICTURE IS WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS, but it uses up a thousand times the memory.
26. The Meek shall inherit the earth....after we're through with it.
27. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
28. HAM AND EGGS - A day's work for a chicken; A lifetime commitment for a pig.
29. WELCOME TO KENTUCKY - Set your watch back 20 years.
30. The trouble with life is there's no background music.
31. IF THERE IS NO GOD, WHO POPS UP THE NEXT KLEENEX?
32. Suicidal Twin Kills Sister By Mistake
33. The original point-and-click interface was a Smith & Wesson.
34. MY WILD OATS HAVE TURNED TO SHREDDED WHEAT.
35. Computer programmers don't byte, they nybble a bit.
36. Computer programmers know how to use their hardware.
37. MOP AND GLOW - Floor wax used by Three-Mile-Island cleanup team.
38. NyQuil -The stuffy, sneezy, why-the-hell-is-the-room- spinning medicine.
39. Quoting one is plagiarism. Quoting many is research.
40. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God, and I didn't.
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Joke: The Blind Man In A Lesbian Bar
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender in a loud voice,
"Hey bartender, you wanna hear a dumb blonde joke?"
The bar immediately falls deathly quiet. In a deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things . . .
One: The bartender is a blonde woman.
Two: The bouncer is a blonde woman.
Three: The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional boxer.
Four: The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler.
Five: I'm a 6-foot, 200 pound blonde woman with a Ph.D., a black belt in karate, with a very bad attitude!
Now, think about it seriously, mister.
Do you still want to tell that joke?"
The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head and says: "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times!"
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Red Dot Into A Full Color Photograph
1. Stare at the red dot on the girl’s nose for 30 seconds
2. Turn your eyes towards the wall/roof or somewhere else on a plain surface
3. Keep blinking your eyes quickly !!
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
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