Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Asking The Lord's Forgiveness
One Sunday morning, a young woman, who needed
forgiveness for her sins, came to a Baptist church.
She got up in front of the congregation and
stated, "Last week, I slept with a young soldier who
picked me up at a bar and now I ask the Lord's
forgiveness."
"Hallelujah!", cried the congregation.
She continued, "Two days ago, I slept with a young
sailor, but now I ask the Lord's forgiveness."
"Hallelujah!", cried the congregation again.
"But tonight, because I have come here and done my
penance, I will sleep with the Lord," she finished.
But before the congregation could respond, an old
drunk in the back yelled out in a clear voice, "That's
right momma, f*ck 'em all."
forgiveness for her sins, came to a Baptist church.
She got up in front of the congregation and
stated, "Last week, I slept with a young soldier who
picked me up at a bar and now I ask the Lord's
forgiveness."
"Hallelujah!", cried the congregation.
She continued, "Two days ago, I slept with a young
sailor, but now I ask the Lord's forgiveness."
"Hallelujah!", cried the congregation again.
"But tonight, because I have come here and done my
penance, I will sleep with the Lord," she finished.
But before the congregation could respond, an old
drunk in the back yelled out in a clear voice, "That's
right momma, f*ck 'em all."
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Monday, November 16, 2009
Little Girl's Tooth Extraction: Fun For The Whole Darn Family (Including Sleeping Cat Who Gets Ready To Doze Behind Jump Ramp)
Move out the way ADA, as more fun and inventive DYI denistry becomes popular in the home:
Sunday, November 15, 2009
The Moped Driver and The Ferrari Owner
A hip young man goes out and buys the best car available: A brand new Ferrari GTO. It is also the most expensive car in the world, and it costs him $500,000. He takes it out for a spin and stops at a red light.
An old man on a mo-ped, looking about 100 years old, pulls up next to him.
The old man looks over at the sleek, shiny car and asks, "What kind of car ya' got there, Sonny?"
The young man replies, "A Ferrari GTO. It cost half a million dollars!"
"That's a lot of money," says the old man. "Why does it cost so much?"
"Because this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!" states the young dude proudly.
The mo-ped driver asks, "Mind if I take a look inside?"
"No problem," replies the owner. So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Then, sitting back on his moped, the old man says, "That's a pretty nice car, all right... but I'll stick with my moped!"
Just then the light changes, so the guy decides to show the old man just what his car can do. He floors it, and within 30 seconds, the speedometer reads 160 mph!
Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer! He slows down to see what it could be, and suddenly...
Whoooooosssshhhhh! Something whips by him, going much faster!
"What on Earth could be going faster than my Ferrari?" the young man asks himself. He floors the accelerator and takes the Ferrari up to 250 mph. Then, up ahead of him, he sees that it's the old man on the mo-ped! Amazed that the moped could pass his Ferrari, he gives it more gas and passes the moped at 275 mph. Whoooooosssshhhhh!
He's feeling pretty good until he looks in his mirror and sees the old man gaining on him again! Astounded by the speed of this old guy, he floors the gas pedal and takes the Ferrari all the way up to 320 mph. Not ten seconds later, he sees the mo-ped bearing down on him again! The Ferrari is flat out, and there's nothing he can do!
Suddenly, the mo-ped plows into the back of his Ferrari, demolishing the rear end.
The young man stops and jumps out, and unbelievably, the old man is still alive.
He runs up to the mangled old man and says, "Oh my God! Is there anything I can do for you?"
The old man whispers with his dying breath... "Unhook... my... suspenders... from... your.... side view mirror."
An old man on a mo-ped, looking about 100 years old, pulls up next to him.
The old man looks over at the sleek, shiny car and asks, "What kind of car ya' got there, Sonny?"
The young man replies, "A Ferrari GTO. It cost half a million dollars!"
"That's a lot of money," says the old man. "Why does it cost so much?"
"Because this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!" states the young dude proudly.
The mo-ped driver asks, "Mind if I take a look inside?"
"No problem," replies the owner. So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Then, sitting back on his moped, the old man says, "That's a pretty nice car, all right... but I'll stick with my moped!"
Just then the light changes, so the guy decides to show the old man just what his car can do. He floors it, and within 30 seconds, the speedometer reads 160 mph!
Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer! He slows down to see what it could be, and suddenly...
Whoooooosssshhhhh! Something whips by him, going much faster!
"What on Earth could be going faster than my Ferrari?" the young man asks himself. He floors the accelerator and takes the Ferrari up to 250 mph. Then, up ahead of him, he sees that it's the old man on the mo-ped! Amazed that the moped could pass his Ferrari, he gives it more gas and passes the moped at 275 mph. Whoooooosssshhhhh!
He's feeling pretty good until he looks in his mirror and sees the old man gaining on him again! Astounded by the speed of this old guy, he floors the gas pedal and takes the Ferrari all the way up to 320 mph. Not ten seconds later, he sees the mo-ped bearing down on him again! The Ferrari is flat out, and there's nothing he can do!
Suddenly, the mo-ped plows into the back of his Ferrari, demolishing the rear end.
The young man stops and jumps out, and unbelievably, the old man is still alive.
He runs up to the mangled old man and says, "Oh my God! Is there anything I can do for you?"
The old man whispers with his dying breath... "Unhook... my... suspenders... from... your.... side view mirror."
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