Stories From Doctors And Hospitals

Subject: True Hospital stories

A man comes into the ER and yells "My wife's going to
have her baby in the cab!"
The ER physician grabs his stuff, rushes out to the
cab, lifts the lady's dress, and begins to take off
her underwear. Suddenly he notices that there are
several cabs, and he's in the wrong one.

*******************************************

A nurse at the beginning of the shift places her
stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female
patient's anterior chest wall. "Big Breaths,"
instructed the nurse.
"Yes, they used to be," remorsed the patient.

*********************************************

One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told
a wife that her husband had died of a massive
myocardial infarction. Not more than five minutes later,
I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that
he had died of a "massive internal fart."

***********************************************

I was performing a complete physical, including the
visual acuity test. I placed the patient twenty feet
from the chart and began, "Cover your right eye with
your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly. "Now
your left." Again, a flawless read. "Now both," I
requested. There was silence--he couldn't even read
the large E on the top line. I turned and discovered
that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was
standing there with both his eyes covered. I was
laughing too hard to finish the exam.

********************************************

During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with
his cardiologist, he informed his doctor that he was
having trouble with one of his medications. "Which
one?", asked the doctor. "The patch." "The nurse told
me to put on a new one every day and now I'm
running our of places to put it!" The doctor had him
quickly undress and discovered what he hoped he
wouldn't see......Yes, the man had thirty patches
on his body! Now the instructions include removal of
the old patch before applying a new one.

**************************************************

While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I
asked, "How long have you been bedridden?" After a
look of complete confusion she answered, "Why, not for
about twenty years -- when my husband was alive."

***************************************************

A nurse caring for a woman from Kentucky asked,"So
how's your breakfast this morning?" "It's very good,
except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get
used to the taste," the patient replied. The nurse
asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil
packet labeled "KY Jelly."