Portmanteau Words From Washington Post Readers In 2002

A selection of a few Honorable Mention entries from a 2002 Washington Post contest that asked the reader to coin "portmanteau words" by combining two words that overlap by two letters or more:

Muslimbaugh: Islam's really conservative branch. (Frank Mullen III, Aledo, Ill.)

Abracadabacus: What magic bean counters use. (Seth Brown, Williamstown, Mass.)

Baseballoon: A coach who has "put on a few pounds" since playing in the outfield. (Toby Gottfried, Santa Ana, Calif.)

Begetcetera: Multiple births. (Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)

Brassiereprimand: "Hey, my face is up here." (G.T. Bowman, Falls Church)

Coleslawsuit: Legal action taken without a shred of evidence. (Stephen Dudzik, Olney)

Communiqueserasera: An unimportant message. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

Courtshipwreck: A dating error so disastrous it ends a relationship. Example: Sleeping with her sister. (Mel Loftus, Holmen, Wis.)

Ethiccup: A brief, involuntary suspension of one's moral principles. (Chris Doyle, Forsyth, Mo.)

Foxymoron: A perfect 10 in looks and IQ. (Milo Sauer, Fairfax)

Frigidiot: Those shirtless guys at January football games. (Jimmy LaCaria, Watertown, N.Y.)

Hemperor: A drug kingpin. (Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)

Internetherworld: Where failed dot-coms go. (Stephen Dudzik, Olney)

Kimchihuahua: Asian food made with secret special ingredients. (Stephen Dudzik, Olney)

Leotarp: Plus-size workout wear. (Milo Sauer, Fairfax)

Moulin Rouget's Thesaurus: A compendium of related words about truth, beauty, freedom but, above all, love. (David E. Romm, Minneapolis)

Necromantic: When you slip a ring on your lover's hand, then sacrifice a chicken so she can rise again and dance joyously with you to celebrate your eternal life together. (Beth Baniszewski, Cambridge, Mass.)

Penultimatum: I'm going to tell you this only one more time after this . . . (Dot Yufer, Newton, W. Va.)

Pestivate: To spend the summer sponging off relatives. (Mel Loftus, Holmen, Wis.)

Prostituition: A whorrible way to pay for college. (Seth Brown, Williamstown, Mass.)

Pseudonymphomaniac: Mrs. John Smith (Chris Doyle, Forsyth, Mo.)

Punditto: Talking heads who keep agreeing with each other. (Joseph Romm, Washington)

Shagrin: Regret regarding whom one has just awakened next to. (Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)

Trepanache: The ability to keep your head when someone is trying to drill holes in it. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

Vivacuous: Describing a cheerleader. (John R. Shea, Philadelphia)

Zeppelingerie: Undergarments for the full-figured frau. (Frank Mullen III, Aledo, Ill.)

The Right Organ Player At The Right Time

A minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building.

Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute. The substitute wanted to know what to play.

"Here's a copy of the service," he said impatiently. "But you'll have to think of something to play after I make the announcement about the finances."

During the service, the minister paused and said, "Brothers and Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected, and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up."

At that moment, the substitute organist played, "The Star Spangled Banner."

Feel Like A Woman

On a recent transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One womanin particular loses it. Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane. "I'm too young to die," she wails.

Then she yells, "Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on Earth to be memorable! Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?"

For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril. They all stare, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane.

Then a man stands up in the rear of the plane. "I can make you feel like a woman," he says. He is gorgeous. Tall, built, long, flowing black hair and jet blackeyes. He walks slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt....

............one button at a time.

............No one moves.

............He removes his shirt.

............Muscles ripple across his chest,

as he reaches her, extending the arm holding his shirt to the trembling woman;

............he whispers:

..........."Iron this."

The Two Stoners And The Judge

Two young guys were picked up by the cops for smoking dope and appeared in court on Friday before the judge. The judge said, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance rather than jail time." "I want you to go out this weekend and try to show others the evils of drug use and get them to give up drugs forever. I'll see you back in court Monday."

Monday, the two guys were back in court, and the judge said to the first one, "How did you do over the weekend?"

"Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever." Said the first young MAN. The Judge smiled and said, "17 people? That's wonderful! What did you tell them?" The first young MAN held up a card and said, "I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this:

O o

"...and told them this (the big circle) is your brain before drugs and this (small circle) is your brain after drugs." "That's admirable!" said the judge. "The case against you is dismissed."

To the second young MAN the judge said, "And son, how did you do?" The second boy perked up and said, "Well, your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever".

"156 people! That's amazing! How did you manage to do that?" The judge questioned.

The second young MAN held up his card, and said, "Well, I used a similar approach. I drew two circles...

o O

"...and said (pointing to the small circle) 'this is your asshole before prison..."

Viagra Comes In A New Form

Pfizer recently announced that Viagra would be available in liquid form.

It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one.

New World Disorder Map

(click on map image to enlarge)

The Dog And The Dolphin: I Will Love You Forever

Fascinating: Internet Archaeologist's Recent Excavation of Friendster

Internet Archaeologists Find Ruins Of 'Friendster' Civilization

How To Shut Up Needling In-Laws

When I was younger I hated going to weddings. It seemed that all of my aunts and the grandmotherly types used to come up to me, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next."

They stopped it after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

The Completely Honest Job Interview