T-Shirt Slogans

T - SHIRT SLOGANS

1. Frankly, Scallop, I Don't Give a Clam. (seen on Cape Cod)

2. That's It! I'm Calling Grandma! (seen on an 8 year old)

3. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew Up.

4. Procrastinate Now.

5. Rehab Is for Quitters.

6. My Dog Can Lick Anyone.

7. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts - Do You Want Fries with That?

8. Party - My Crib - Two A.M. (on a baby-size shirt)

9. Finally 21, and Legally Able to Do Everything I've Been Doing Since 15.

10. ALL MEN ARE IDIOTS, AND I MARRIED THEIR KING.

11. West Virginia: One Million People, and 15 last names.

12. FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION. It comes bundled with the software.

13. I'M OUT OF ESTROGEN AND I'VE GOT A GUN.

14. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

15. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.

16. STUPIDITY IS NOT A HANDICAP. Park elsewhere!

17. POOR SPELLERS OF THE WORLD- UNTIE!

18. MOOSEHEAD: A great beer and a new experience for a moose.

19. They call it PMS because MadCow Disease was already taken.

20. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.

21. Time's fun when you're having flies.......Kermit the Frog.

22. POLICE STATION TOILET STOLEN .... Cops have nothing to go on.

23. FOR SALE: Iraqi rifle. Never fired. Dropped once.

24. HECK IS WHERE PEOPLE GO WHO DON'T BELIEVE IN GOSH.

25. A PICTURE IS WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS, but it uses up a thousand times the memory.

26. The Meek shall inherit the earth....after we're through with it.

27. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

28. HAM AND EGGS - A day's work for a chicken; A lifetime commitment for a pig.

29. WELCOME TO KENTUCKY - Set your watch back 20 years.

30. The trouble with life is there's no background music.

31. IF THERE IS NO GOD, WHO POPS UP THE NEXT KLEENEX?

32. Suicidal Twin Kills Sister By Mistake

33. The original point-and-click interface was a Smith & Wesson.

34. MY WILD OATS HAVE TURNED TO SHREDDED WHEAT.

35. Computer programmers don't byte, they nybble a bit.

36. Computer programmers know how to use their hardware.

37. MOP AND GLOW - Floor wax used by Three-Mile-Island cleanup team.

38. NyQuil -The stuffy, sneezy, why-the-hell-is-the-room- spinning medicine.

39. Quoting one is plagiarism. Quoting many is research.

40. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God, and I didn't. 

Men In Interview Lose Concentration When Secretary Bends Over

Joke: The Blind Man In A Lesbian Bar

 A blind man enters a lesbian bar by mistake. He find his way to a barstool and orders a drink. 

After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender in a loud voice, 

"Hey bartender, you wanna hear a dumb blonde joke?" 

The bar immediately falls deathly quiet. In a deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things . . . 

One: The bartender is a blonde woman. 

Two: The bouncer is a blonde woman. 

Three: The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional boxer. 

Four: The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler. 

Five: I'm a 6-foot, 200 pound blonde woman with a Ph.D., a black belt in karate, with a very bad attitude! 

Now, think about it seriously, mister. 

Do you still want to tell that joke?" 

The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head and says: "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times!" 

Cinder Block Ad On Craigslist

(Click on above image to enlarge) 

Hangover Heaven: The Cure Which Makes You Seem To Be More Of A Jackass Than The Night Before

What? No Vanity Plate?

Red Dot Into A Full Color Photograph

1. Stare at the red dot on the girl’s nose for 30 seconds

2. Turn your eyes towards the wall/roof or somewhere else on a plain surface

3. Keep blinking your eyes quickly !!

Dear Republican Party

Fenton, Fentonnn, Fennntonn, Oh Jesus Christ!

Jesus Christ has obviously come back in the form a crazed dog named Fenton in London's Richmond Park. A short video which makes me laugh harder every time I watch it . . .

Note: Be sure to turn up the volume all the way so you can hear the quiet crunching of leaves by the videographer, and so you can hear the Doppler effect of Fenton's exasperated owner as he runs from behind and then by the camerman, That first "fenton" is so weak and just awakening to what is about to unfold. Then it beomes, "Fenton! Fentonnn!! Fennntonnn!!! Oh, Jesus Christ!"

Also, notice the traffic stopping on the main thoroughfare as Fenton chases his prey across the road. Oh to have been one of those people in a blocked car to have actually watched the return of Jesus as he ran faster than a bullet to catch his prey.

"Oh, Jesus Christ!"

p.s. If you listen real closely at the end you hear the muffled sniggering of the videographer.

Priceless!

Video of A Murmuration Of Starlings In Synchronized Flight

Murmuration from Sophie Windsor Clive on Vimeo.