Bar Promo: Down At The Vibrator Races

Women or Bacon?

New iPad Is A Hit With Women

Classes for Men at the Local Learning Center for Adults

Sign up by April 1, 2010


NOTE: Due to the complexity and difficulty level of their contents, each course will accept a maximum of only 8 participants.


TOPIC 1

HOW TO FILL UP THE ICE CUBE TRAYS.
Step by step, with slide presentation.


TOPIC 2

THE TOILET PAPER ROLL: DO THEY GROW ON THE HOLDERS?
Round table discussion.


TOPIC 3

IS IT POSSIBLE TO URINATE USING THE TECHNIQUE OF LIFTING THE SEAT UP AND AVOIDING THE FLOOR/WALLS AND NEARBY BATHTUB?
Group practice.


TOPIC 4

FUNDAMENTAL DIFFERENCES BETWEEN THE LAUNDRY HAMPER AND THE FLOOR.
Pictures and explanatory graphics.


TOPIC 5

THE AFTER-DINNER DISHES AND SILVERWARE: CAN THEY LEVITATE AND FLY INTO THE KITCHEN SINK?
Examples on video.


TOPIC 6

LOSS OF IDENTITY: LOSING THE REMOTE TO YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER.
Helpline support and support groups.


TOPIC 7

LEARNING HOW TO FIND THINGS, STARTING WITH LOOKING IN THE RIGHT PLACE INSTEAD OF TURNING THE HOUSE UPSIDE DOWN WHILE SCREAMING.
Open forum.


TOPIC 8

HEALTH WATCH: BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTH.
Graphics and audio tape.


TOPIC 9

REAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOST.
Real life testimonials.


TOPIC 10
IS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT WHILE SHE PARALLEL PARKS.
Driving simulation.


TOPIC 11

LEARNING TO LIVE: BASIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR WIFE.
Online class and role playing.


TOPIC 12

HOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANION.
Relaxation. Exercises, meditation and breathing techniques.


TOPIC 13

HOW TO FIGHT CEREBRAL ATROPHY: REMEMBERING BIRTHDAYS, ANNIVERSARIES, OTHER IMPORTANT DATES AND CALLING WHEN YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE.
Cerebral shock therapy sessions and full lobotomies offered.


**UPON COMPLETION OF THE COURSE DIPLOMAS WILL BE ISSUED TO THE SURVIVORS.

Redneck Woman: New Reality Music Mix

There's No Satisfying A Woman

A group of girlfriends are on vacation when they see a 5-story
hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only". Since they are
without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.
The Bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it
works.

"We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what
you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide
since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside."

So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads:
"All the men here have it short and thin." The friends laugh
and without hesitation move on to the next floor.

The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here have it
long and thin." Still, this isn't good enough so the friends
continue on up.

They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men
here have it short and thick."

They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still
two floors left, they continued on up.

On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here
have it long and thick." The women get all excited and are
going in when they realize that there is still one floor left.
Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth
floor.

There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here.
This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to
please a woman."