On The Church Marquee

The Right Organ Player At The Right Time

A minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building.

Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute. The substitute wanted to know what to play.

"Here's a copy of the service," he said impatiently. "But you'll have to think of something to play after I make the announcement about the finances."

During the service, the minister paused and said, "Brothers and Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected, and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up."

At that moment, the substitute organist played, "The Star Spangled Banner."

Asking The Lord's Forgiveness

One Sunday morning, a young woman, who needed
forgiveness for her sins, came to a Baptist church.
She got up in front of the congregation and
stated, "Last week, I slept with a young soldier who
picked me up at a bar and now I ask the Lord's
forgiveness."

"Hallelujah!", cried the congregation.

She continued, "Two days ago, I slept with a young
sailor, but now I ask the Lord's forgiveness."

"Hallelujah!", cried the congregation again.

"But tonight, because I have come here and done my
penance, I will sleep with the Lord," she finished.

But before the congregation could respond, an old
drunk in the back yelled out in a clear voice, "That's
right momma, f*ck 'em all."